Never give up.

I don't want to fall in love... Not yet..  Not today..
I don't want to loose my mind, not yet.. not today..
I don't want to feel vulnerable -- Not today....

But I am getting there.  I am ready to let love in again. I am ready to look someone into their eyes again and love what those other eyes tell me, see what those eyes feed me, love what those eyes stand for... ...  And I am getting close to letting love in...

It feels freeing . It feels powerful, it feels exactly how I want it to feel.     It feels scary, but there was this saying I read long time ago from somewhere ,  " If it does not scare you, it does not challenge you."....  Let me tell you something...  I am scared, I feel challenged, I feel powerless, I feel intrigued, and I feel  at peace and this is exactly where I want to be... I want to be here and present and at peace with me....

 Yes, of course I have my questions, but every question ever asked will get an answer, sooner or later.  There is not rush anymore in my life.   I don't want anymore - "RIGHT NOW".. It makes no longer sense.   AT THIS point in my life ........-----I want  forever....   and for "FOREVER", I am ready to fight for . I am ready to take a step back and live and learn and observe.     Forever promises to be beautiful.  Just just like I am, just like he is... just like out lives are...  beautiful....

to feel and to be felt, to love and to be loved, to see and to be seen.... cherish these moments,, remember them,  and never forget them........ xoxo

Naija adventures...

Sorry, I have not been active, but everything has been crazy over here... Work, maintaining relationship,  electricity issues, keeping myself safe, quality time... Kory still calls it vacation, but there is nothing about vacation past couple of months.. It has been constant work.. He has to snap out of it, and call it what it is.

I tell you honestly... End of the day.. I just want to fly to USA, and shower there, and then fly back...    But I am who I am, I am used to less, and there is nothing to complain about. In the end of the day, we got few hours of electricity, gas stow with tank,  little bit of running water, clothes to wear and roof over our head..   I can handle it well.. no wahala.....

Worried Sick...

I'm worried sick.. K is in Naija,,, and SICk as fuck.. So , Im over in Hangzhou.. Helpless, can't do much but hope this shall to pass....
 Sending all my love to his way.......... xo

WOW

Here I am again. I haven't blogged for a while... I can't access couple of my blogs in some weird reasons.. SO, Im going to use this one to update what the fuck is happening in my life.

long story short... I'm super fat, fattest I have been for years. I'm about 82 kilos...  Last year on my Birthday I broke  couple of bones around my tailbone... Refused surgery...  Could not work out for months...  Then I just got comfortable..   And decided, I don't give a fuck about this worlds fuckery.... Just do my thing... Then --- I kind of injured my ankle, then got shingles,  and after that.... I met love of my life...  Weird how things work...

 Last time I was in love it ended bad.. And I told to myself- I will never fall in love again.. .But... He came- and changed my life for better.I don't know if it will last for  rest of my life, but for now-- He is all  I want....

I met him when I was not looking  at all.   He is exactly what I have been looking for.   Everything to the point...   lets say 98% of what I have been  waiting for...

But to be honest.. It has been hell of a few years...  I'm finally calm, quiet, and centered. It took a while for me to get here. Tons of soul searching, tons of tears, tons of upset moments and tons of  eyeballs...

But I'm still here standing...

My life is not easy. People think it is. Most of them see me as  Kept Woman...  Good for them...   Think what you want...  I don't own anybody any explanations.  All I know is... Life is great. And   if you loose yourself in this brutal game.. Get your mind on it, and work your ass out of the mess you created to yourself....  

been there , done that.. Never again....

...

so yeah.. I met him when I was not looking. I was already 78 kilos, not looking, not wanting to fall in love. But the moment I saw him-- I knew  He is it for now... Now could be forever, but I don't know, so I keep my mind open ...

..
Everybody tells me to be careful...  Pretty much 99% of people I know.. And I'm like.. I was careful all my life.. I am done being careful.. I take my chances...  Because, if Donald becomes president, we all will be fucked anyways...  SO.. I am taking my chances..  He could be married somewhere.. I don't know.  As long as I don't know ... I am fine...  But till then, I enjoy this ride with Him.  He makes me smile, and laugh and dream big.  So.. this is good for something..

 So far everything in my life has been Great for something...  And I leave it with that....  So much to tell.. But it is all about timing ..  when Time is right.. I will tell...

#love #ankuri#dreams