I don't want to fall in love... Not yet.. Not today..
I don't want to loose my mind, not yet.. not today..
I don't want to feel vulnerable -- Not today....
But I am getting there. I am ready to let love in again. I am ready to look someone into their eyes again and love what those other eyes tell me, see what those eyes feed me, love what those eyes stand for... ... And I am getting close to letting love in...
It feels freeing . It feels powerful, it feels exactly how I want it to feel. It feels scary, but there was this saying I read long time ago from somewhere , " If it does not scare you, it does not challenge you.".... Let me tell you something... I am scared, I feel challenged, I feel powerless, I feel intrigued, and I feel at peace and this is exactly where I want to be... I want to be here and present and at peace with me....
Yes, of course I have my questions, but every question ever asked will get an answer, sooner or later. There is not rush anymore in my life. I don't want anymore - "RIGHT NOW".. It makes no longer sense. AT THIS point in my life ........-----I want forever.... and for "FOREVER", I am ready to fight for . I am ready to take a step back and live and learn and observe. Forever promises to be beautiful. Just just like I am, just like he is... just like out lives are... beautiful....
to feel and to be felt, to love and to be loved, to see and to be seen.... cherish these moments,, remember them, and never forget them........ xoxo
Showing posts with label Eesti. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Eesti. Show all posts
Sunday, December 18, 2016
Tuesday, November 1, 2016
Dating..
So here I go. Dating... What the fuck does one woman has to do, to have a good date? The one who is not seeking for sex, but truly is seeking for some sort of connection..... Let me tell you what she has to do.....
SHE HAS TO PUT OF WITH TONS OF SHIT!!!! And I am not joking around now.
MY good friend X knows how I feel about sex. I love it, but there is no reason for me to give it up for some stupid random one night affair. SO I am still a "virgin"... YES I AM!!! And I am proud of it... hahahah What I mean by that is, since may, I have kept to myself. What is the point going out there, meeting someone, counting 1 date, 2 date, 3 dates... and then guy knows,--- AAAAHHHH, yeah, all girls have 3 date rules... After third date they hope to get laid, and then run as fast as they can... I have seen it couple of times. I have been out on few dates, and after third date, guy usually runs... or stops trying to impress me with his stupidity and just walks away.--- WOrds like Sweetheart, babygirl, gorgeous, blue eyes, princess , my Queen, Beautiful, My only..... Disappear overnight.
I don't understand why girls fall so quickly for it... and then complain my boyfriend of 2 days left me after I gave in.... GIRLS, stay longer than that... Build a friendship. FIND OUT WHO HE REALLY IS. If you want a relationship, you can weed out 10 pm booty call guys by staying true to what you really want... Of course, if it is only sex... go there and have as much as you want... GO FOR IT... good for you!!!!!!
But now back to topic... Since June I have gone to dates with 4 "men".... First one I "swiped out", was actually pretty impressive. If was in my 20s, I would have totally melted... Now i was like, lets wait it out... he will show his true colors soon, and soon enough, he sent me message to pick him up from his new workplace to drive him home.... LET ME TELL---I ONLY saw him once at a coffee shop.... There is #lyft that he could call for.... That tell me right away- most likely has 10 roommates and only couple of square feet for himself.... Get your shit together .... Good luck...
Date 2... He had everything going for him... But what he said, just raised some attention in my conscious mind..and all I could think of was --- MARRIED..... He was to careful..... He asked me when can we meet again, and I said pretty much today..... and he never followed up.. SO I know he is having fun with someone else... good for him...
Date 3... I don't know what to say about him.. I am just going to leave it blank.... I felt like I was raped on set .... there was no physical contact... But it was one of the most uncomfortable dates I ever was on...... Removed and blocked the person after meeting him...
AND... there is date number 4.... Actually... he was 1st person I met when I moved back to cali.. HE is calm, collected, has vision, has passion, and has been respectful. Well, the thing is... I am not stupid... If I say no, and we are not inclusive, there is always someone who can say yes, after he leaves from date... RIght? I am not bothered by that.. you do whatever you do before you find what works for you.... But please, don't call me stupid for not taking you for a test drive when I am not ready.. :) Smily face, smily face... hashtag looking for my last love...... I met him and I am intriqued....
And there is one more person.... Date number 5 I have not met yet..... Conversations are great, but universe does not want us to meet. There is always something happening before I get to meet up with him... SOmetimes it is a great thing, but sometimes it is not that good.... God and my own intuition have never lied... SO maybe there is a reason.
So woman, girls, princesses, queens, ladies-- listen... Don't fall for that BS you are fed on your first couple of dates of meeting someone..... THINK hard what works for you... Of course--- nice words work for all of us... BUT in beginning it is all words... You want to see his actions. He better show his actions.. He better, make you feel like the QUEEN( not princess) with his actions... He better, give you flowers ( most men don't like giving flowers, because it is significant, it represents commitment , or it means something... SO be careful with gifts and flowers early on...Accept them, but dont question... Just pay attenion....
I really don't want to be downer Diana, but I have been hurt, I hurt people, I have seen shit been there done that... ANd I am still "Virgin".... And proud of it... Love you , love your body, love everything about you, and You will see the light.... Light- lights, brightness, happiness.... You will be content in yor own skin, and nothing will shake you........ And you will be happier.. you will be free...
SHE HAS TO PUT OF WITH TONS OF SHIT!!!! And I am not joking around now.
MY good friend X knows how I feel about sex. I love it, but there is no reason for me to give it up for some stupid random one night affair. SO I am still a "virgin"... YES I AM!!! And I am proud of it... hahahah What I mean by that is, since may, I have kept to myself. What is the point going out there, meeting someone, counting 1 date, 2 date, 3 dates... and then guy knows,--- AAAAHHHH, yeah, all girls have 3 date rules... After third date they hope to get laid, and then run as fast as they can... I have seen it couple of times. I have been out on few dates, and after third date, guy usually runs... or stops trying to impress me with his stupidity and just walks away.--- WOrds like Sweetheart, babygirl, gorgeous, blue eyes, princess , my Queen, Beautiful, My only..... Disappear overnight.
I don't understand why girls fall so quickly for it... and then complain my boyfriend of 2 days left me after I gave in.... GIRLS, stay longer than that... Build a friendship. FIND OUT WHO HE REALLY IS. If you want a relationship, you can weed out 10 pm booty call guys by staying true to what you really want... Of course, if it is only sex... go there and have as much as you want... GO FOR IT... good for you!!!!!!
But now back to topic... Since June I have gone to dates with 4 "men".... First one I "swiped out", was actually pretty impressive. If was in my 20s, I would have totally melted... Now i was like, lets wait it out... he will show his true colors soon, and soon enough, he sent me message to pick him up from his new workplace to drive him home.... LET ME TELL---I ONLY saw him once at a coffee shop.... There is #lyft that he could call for.... That tell me right away- most likely has 10 roommates and only couple of square feet for himself.... Get your shit together .... Good luck...
Date 2... He had everything going for him... But what he said, just raised some attention in my conscious mind..and all I could think of was --- MARRIED..... He was to careful..... He asked me when can we meet again, and I said pretty much today..... and he never followed up.. SO I know he is having fun with someone else... good for him...
Date 3... I don't know what to say about him.. I am just going to leave it blank.... I felt like I was raped on set .... there was no physical contact... But it was one of the most uncomfortable dates I ever was on...... Removed and blocked the person after meeting him...
AND... there is date number 4.... Actually... he was 1st person I met when I moved back to cali.. HE is calm, collected, has vision, has passion, and has been respectful. Well, the thing is... I am not stupid... If I say no, and we are not inclusive, there is always someone who can say yes, after he leaves from date... RIght? I am not bothered by that.. you do whatever you do before you find what works for you.... But please, don't call me stupid for not taking you for a test drive when I am not ready.. :) Smily face, smily face... hashtag looking for my last love...... I met him and I am intriqued....
And there is one more person.... Date number 5 I have not met yet..... Conversations are great, but universe does not want us to meet. There is always something happening before I get to meet up with him... SOmetimes it is a great thing, but sometimes it is not that good.... God and my own intuition have never lied... SO maybe there is a reason.
So woman, girls, princesses, queens, ladies-- listen... Don't fall for that BS you are fed on your first couple of dates of meeting someone..... THINK hard what works for you... Of course--- nice words work for all of us... BUT in beginning it is all words... You want to see his actions. He better show his actions.. He better, make you feel like the QUEEN( not princess) with his actions... He better, give you flowers ( most men don't like giving flowers, because it is significant, it represents commitment , or it means something... SO be careful with gifts and flowers early on...Accept them, but dont question... Just pay attenion....
I really don't want to be downer Diana, but I have been hurt, I hurt people, I have seen shit been there done that... ANd I am still "Virgin".... And proud of it... Love you , love your body, love everything about you, and You will see the light.... Light- lights, brightness, happiness.... You will be content in yor own skin, and nothing will shake you........ And you will be happier.. you will be free...
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Naija adventures...
Sorry, I have not been active, but everything has been crazy over here... Work, maintaining relationship, electricity issues, keeping myself safe, quality time... Kory still calls it vacation, but there is nothing about vacation past couple of months.. It has been constant work.. He has to snap out of it, and call it what it is.
I tell you honestly... End of the day.. I just want to fly to USA, and shower there, and then fly back... But I am who I am, I am used to less, and there is nothing to complain about. In the end of the day, we got few hours of electricity, gas stow with tank, little bit of running water, clothes to wear and roof over our head.. I can handle it well.. no wahala.....
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