I am happy.

This blog, is really all about my feelings and thoughts and things I believe in. SO one day I might be little pissed, but the next day totally normal.  It is all part of figuring things out .   Past few days I got couple of emails from people telling me, that they are happy to see me back and blogging.  I had no idea people missed my  stories.  BUT, HEY YOU... I AM BACK FOR REAL.. Be ready for  some sad, happy, fun stories, and please contact me personally, if you have questions. Don't go behind my back spreading rumors that carry no weight. Ask before.

But anyway. I am Happiest I have been for years.  I am in love and I  Love same time. I am at peace and I am content.  I am in a relationship so strong, that it had me question every other relationship I have ever had before.  This relationship that started out with situationship, but turned into this amazing worldwide  Relationship. From usa to china, from china to USA, and soon from china to Nigeria. Love found me again.  I was not ready, I did not look for it, but I had put it out to Universe, that I need someone amazing, someone who mirrors  me, someone who likes same things as me and someone who sees me.  My life is wahala free and I am so so so happy, that he took a chance on Us.

 Lot of you have been concerned about my well being.  Well, please don't be.   When I first started telling people couple of years ago that I AM GOING TO NIGERIA ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, I was  laughed at. I was told I will be raped, and  pimped out, and  most likely will disappear without a trace. And I was like. Oh bitches please. You don't know what you are saying. Do your research. You can  loose your kidneys here in China as well, You can get shot in usa , so. PLEASE,  don't feed me this shit. There is  terror everywhere in this world. You are not safe anywhere.  SO drop it..

But they did not. I kept hearing more and more how stupid I am to believe I will survive there( i don't know if I will, and its ok), but one thing I know. I am supposed to go there.  You know that feeling that you have in you...  That it will happen, you don't know how, but IT WILL... and then it happens...  and you don't know how you made it happen. It is amazing.

If I had not met Kory, i'd go there through other channels. I wanted to go and volunteer there. But he came along, and everything changed. Everything fell into place.   I told him couple of times that he Saved me. I really feel like it.  I am not easy to tame, and he managed it somehow.    Unbelievable  how one person can make you feel.   He is really the most amazing person in my life ( my son also, but it is all different)














His hand is mine to hold rest of my life...


Later today I will write another topic close to my heart, and please  don't turn away .. Read it, look at trailers, and SHARE .. PLEASE share that story...     Read it with open mind, and send that link to all your friends. I would not do it, if I did not trust the source.   That story will change your life.  And open up your minds even more....

Long Distance

As I am sitting here in my apartment, in my comfortable king size bed,  covered in 100% silk sheets and comforter, listening to my favorite West Africa tunes, all I keep is wondering.  How to keep fire alive on long distance relationship on your late 30... I will be 38 years old this year, and  I am not even sure why I actually committed to LD relationship.   I had so many amazing people before in my life wanting to have relationship with me, and I pushed them away asap. And now He comes along, and I am like. YUP.. I wanna commit to it 100% . And I am. But what keeps me up at night at times is question.  WHY is he the chosen one? Why do I feel so strongly about him? Why I don't have any doubts that this will not work out?  And only  answer that comes to my mind is- Trust your inner voice.  It never lies. It will be difficult, but it will be worth it.  ANd before waters calm down, there will be few storms along the way.

I just had fun conversation with one of my friends today...  one of my favorite saying is...  If He is not who he plays out to be- there is this amazing thing called KARMA, and it has gigantic dick... I swear it does. Believe me when I say TRUST ME..... And Mr. Karma goes , and it Fucks him in the ass. literally.. and He will know exactly why he got fucked in the ass...  So . There you go.  I ain't worried....

 So I am not really  worried about this.. WHat I am worried about is. He is a man. He is surrounded by amazing females. Yeah, if he is good man, he will flirt, have few drinks here and there, and thats the end of it.  But  I was married to one amazing man for 14 years ... right???   Had long distance relationship.  and all. Trusting 100% till I could not anymore and then things fell apart.  And Because of that I know how things are for most of guys.  If I was in my 20s I would believe shit. Now , i listen, make mental notes, do my research and  lay it all out, and walk away. .

And Now I want to trust with all my heart, but that little % keeps telling me.. "Bitch  please get your shit together, and just take him as SPECIAL friend, snap out of it, get a cat, and pitbull  write tons of books and live happily ever after."

And I am fighting hard not to let that little voice in my head win.  So, I am doing everything to keep me busy not thinking about it.  and I already know one important thing- He has given me something nobody else ever has done before. He slowed me down. No other man after my divorce have  had that ability.    He came to my life on right time. I was already committed to quitting smoking, and now I am already 2 months smoke free,  I have cut down alcohol consumption tons, and I don't party anymore.  I have cut out pretty much all my party "friends", It just was not worth it.  I am so calm and quiet , it is scary even to myself.  I am concentrating all my energy towards making it work. Trusting, staying centered, staying calm.  Staying true to myself and to my feelings. I will do it till I feel like it is disturbing my life in a way, I can't function.

It is scary feeling to see our future with someone, but same time you are not with that person . You worry, obsess, dream, and care to the point ones heart hurts. In this case, mine-- my heart is hurting, it is vulnerable.  I opened it up , and at any given moment it can start receiving stabs.  And I have to be ready for it. Take it like a QUEEN and grow from it.  But I signed myself up for it, and I want to see how far can it take us.

SO even though I can't be with him physically, we are still on this journey.  IT could end tomorrow, or day after, or it can last for a lifetime. I don't know.  I have to be ready for it all. and I think I am.

We all deserve the best in this world, and I already have the best life, just hoping He is the Best person to join in and celebrate life...  But .. will take one step at a time, and see where our journey takes us.

I know I love Him. But at times it is not enough.


I am high of Love....