HOLIDAYS

HOLIDAYS ARE ROUGH...ROUGH TO MY CORE...   Rough to the point - I can not breathe. Rough- till I can't see straight. Rough from tip of my head to my toes... This is all rough..

 But it is not what I am concentrating on.  We all are born to deal with difficulties in life. We all are given different paths.    And we all think our paths are rough...    So, I am empathetic to  all of my friends journeys in life....  But my story is not about my friends , it is about me.

 And now,  I am bleeding inside out.  I WeChat'ed my son G. today.   From the first moment I heard his voice, I knew he has changed.. He hates talking on phone, so I never call him. But Last night I had dream about him, and I had to   call him.    And he answered. :)     And when I heard his voice I realized, he is  not a boy anymore.     The way he spoke to me, the way his voice sounded.. And everything else..  4 months ago he was different person that he is now.... And  I am so happy , that he is growing up. He has no fucking idea what is waiting for him in few years, but he will figure it out soon...  

I am sure, If I was still in china, I would not see these changes as drastic as they seem because I was in his life, day in and say out, but  being away,  but still active,  it is different...

It is not easy..     But I am  actively dealing with it..    I am just happy he is amazing human being at this point.... :)


xoxoxo