She would not like to be like most girls....

This is the year - Regina would graduate High School... And this would be the last year for me to obsessively post about how I feel about my baby......  I am letting it go... I have to let it go. I have to make peace with it... I have to let her rest in peace..... And finally I found her a place to rest....

  I have had many dreams about her over the years...

WHen I lived in Asia, I almost never dreamed about her...

But when I moved back, it got out of control...   I dreamed about Regina about 2 times in ever y week.. . it was too much for me to handle...  But dreams would never stop.

 There were - and still are times I wake up in cold sweat   seeing her Gebe and her playing .. There are times I see dreams I see me getting  little frustrated with her--meaning me trying to teach her how to read or do math, or "forcing"  her into research program  she did not choose, but it was best bet for her....

 I will always feel it all....   I would feel every emotion  I ever hear from every parent going through having  their child getting sick... ..

But at this moment .. .I see my   beautiful Regina  going to prom,heading off to University.... having a boyfriend... ....



and and and....

I want my People reminding me I have a son who needs me equally as much...



I am well aware what is happening in my life....

One thing I want to tell you is... As much I want to leave this all behind...  Never talk about it, etc... It is not my thing...


SHe is here... I feel Her every day next to me...

Never tell me it will get better.. ........  Loose  your child.. then chat with me about these topics......