I do not know who are my blog readers . I know about 15 people who religiously tell me they have "checked " it out and love it... An I can see country map , where readers come from, and browsers they r using... BTW.. I had no idea that my blog would pop up on some porn websites.. That was just weird.. But the other day, when I was checking traffic flow into DO NOT MESS WITH DIANA... lol- 2 of sites were pretty hardcore porn sites... NO IDEA HOW that happened...
I Do watch porn myself, so... I don't know... mhm
Well, now.. It is 30th of December here In So Cal. I am in my apartment, My christmas tree is all lit in blue and white lights. I did take all ornaments away and put them to storage... No need for them right now. And I am happy.
This past year has been amazing adventure. Last year this time I was Cat sitting my best friends cat In Woodland hills, and was thinking to myself. I WILL BE BaCK living here next year, same time... And I am back. And I am not gonna move my nice out of here.. My home , my territory.....
So all in all.. I had to give up a lot to gain LOTTER something.. I cried my eyes out night in and night out. But in the end of the day.. Do the fuck something D. I got here. and Now I am moving on to do better things... MUCH BETTER.... 2016 was damn good year, like every year before that..
Self growth, adventures, laughter, new interesting people, travels, everything.........
AND NOW... again... as this year is coming to an end.. I have pretty damn amazing and smart, and handsome and sophisticated and SMART( I did say that again) person in my life. He brings calmness and balance to my being... Balance I have been searching forever and I did not even know it existed.... I am so grateful He did not give up on me and kept coming back to me to claim what is his.... I'm always nervous when Im around him....... And I love it...
AND.... All of you , who are still not tired of me, and stuck by me all these years... I LOOOOOVE YOU... rrrrr.... That is all I want to do rest of my life.. Just Love... Just love, and laugh, and be silly, and sexy and smart and everything i could be that is in my power....
YOU too.. Be it....live it...
...
Friday, December 30, 2016
Thursday, December 29, 2016
30 days...
in 2 days. I will opt to 100% sober living for a month... on my own... Not a glass of wine, not a shot of tequila.. Not even a vodka drink with soda water ....
For a month.... I need it. and I can do it...
For a month.... I need it. and I can do it...
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
About me...
I had no plans to write tonight. I had no plans to open myself even a little today. I have felt overwhelming sadness today ....... I cried my out, I spoke to myself. And I pulled myself together........
But I spoke to someone special today, and before I was about to head to bed. Actually few times through out my today. This person I spoke to- Brings calmness to my life. It feels like noting but me, him and things that matter to me and him exist... It is so simple . And I love simple. But my life is nothing but simple. It has been complicated chain of events since from the moment I was born..
How would Girl-excuse me---- WOMAN NOW- who was born in Estonia, end up in USA at age 38 single.... That is what I get asked every day I go out to order a coffee, or tee, or eat....
And I love that people are curious, I LOVE QUESTIONS. I LOVE telling them short version of my life story... Which is as follows:"I was born in Estonia, when I was 19 I met someone, fell in love, got engaged 2 months later, moved to NJ, Had one kid, then moved to California , had second baby, and after I lost my daughter - Daddy's girl , our sunshine, our everything o multiple brain tumors after we all fought hard for 6 years- life took me and my son to China... But we all know, what is BROKEN IN USA, you can't fix it in China... So now I am back in California, my home and I am ready to stay :)......"
Yes this is the short version....If you want to hear long one , call me or message me, make coffee or wine time with me, and be ready for tons of tears... But never , ever even try to judge me. My heart is made of steel... It could crack, but it has ability to fix itself the ways, I thought it is not possible, and still see good in everybody...
Right now at this moment, I am in my apartment. Staring at the ceiling while I am typing. AND this light fixture trio is installed crooked. And you know what It does not bother me. it still gives light the same way as it would have been installed completely straight. And that is how proud I am of myself.... I do not let meaningless small things bother me anymore.. They used to... TRUST me, they bugged the fucking shitstorm out of me. I was annoying as fuck. But it was because I was unhappy. I was lonely, and most of all..... I did not understand myself and love myself the way I was supposed to. At least now at age 38 I am finally getting there... Journey is still not over... but I'm on my way...
OH.. btw.. haha.. One things I want people to understand... My SEXY accent is not reflection of me. It is not my personality. You should not trust me more because of my accent. .... I am person first, and luckily, I got a chance to travel the world and learn languages... And because I roll my RRRRSSS.., and say my v and w's weird..... does not mean, I am easy target.....
Get to know me and see beyond my accent... BUT I DO KNOW, couple of you who read this blog, read it with MY ACCENT... YOu know who you are, you told me so :D
I want to wish you all lots of LOVE . Live a little.. Take that one chance you always wanted to... and don't regret anything .......... Just love... and love returns...
From my little home to yours- Hug your loved ones today, tell them you see them and you care for them, and you love them...... ..... Tomorrow is not granted...... Now is the moment....
But I spoke to someone special today, and before I was about to head to bed. Actually few times through out my today. This person I spoke to- Brings calmness to my life. It feels like noting but me, him and things that matter to me and him exist... It is so simple . And I love simple. But my life is nothing but simple. It has been complicated chain of events since from the moment I was born..
How would Girl-excuse me---- WOMAN NOW- who was born in Estonia, end up in USA at age 38 single.... That is what I get asked every day I go out to order a coffee, or tee, or eat....
And I love that people are curious, I LOVE QUESTIONS. I LOVE telling them short version of my life story... Which is as follows:"I was born in Estonia, when I was 19 I met someone, fell in love, got engaged 2 months later, moved to NJ, Had one kid, then moved to California , had second baby, and after I lost my daughter - Daddy's girl , our sunshine, our everything o multiple brain tumors after we all fought hard for 6 years- life took me and my son to China... But we all know, what is BROKEN IN USA, you can't fix it in China... So now I am back in California, my home and I am ready to stay :)......"
Yes this is the short version....If you want to hear long one , call me or message me, make coffee or wine time with me, and be ready for tons of tears... But never , ever even try to judge me. My heart is made of steel... It could crack, but it has ability to fix itself the ways, I thought it is not possible, and still see good in everybody...
Right now at this moment, I am in my apartment. Staring at the ceiling while I am typing. AND this light fixture trio is installed crooked. And you know what It does not bother me. it still gives light the same way as it would have been installed completely straight. And that is how proud I am of myself.... I do not let meaningless small things bother me anymore.. They used to... TRUST me, they bugged the fucking shitstorm out of me. I was annoying as fuck. But it was because I was unhappy. I was lonely, and most of all..... I did not understand myself and love myself the way I was supposed to. At least now at age 38 I am finally getting there... Journey is still not over... but I'm on my way...
OH.. btw.. haha.. One things I want people to understand... My SEXY accent is not reflection of me. It is not my personality. You should not trust me more because of my accent. .... I am person first, and luckily, I got a chance to travel the world and learn languages... And because I roll my RRRRSSS.., and say my v and w's weird..... does not mean, I am easy target.....
Get to know me and see beyond my accent... BUT I DO KNOW, couple of you who read this blog, read it with MY ACCENT... YOu know who you are, you told me so :D
I want to wish you all lots of LOVE . Live a little.. Take that one chance you always wanted to... and don't regret anything .......... Just love... and love returns...
From my little home to yours- Hug your loved ones today, tell them you see them and you care for them, and you love them...... ..... Tomorrow is not granted...... Now is the moment....
Monday, December 26, 2016
Pair of boots...
I know, I am going to sound silly now... But what came to my mind yesterday kind of made sense...
I am one of those people who would wear piece of clothing till it was so worn out that even less privileged would refuse to accept it from me.. AND same is with shoes and boots.. I'd wear them till there is nothing left to wear....
And 2 days ago I bought pair of boots that just called my name... I refused them couple of times, before I tried them on. I did not even know their price, but they looked expensive.... Shiny, clean, simple, different.. Just the way I like my things. "ME"
And I finally tried them on, and I did not want to take them off. They felt sooo good on my feet . It was amazing. Even to that point I still did not know the price. And first thing I usually do when something fits right is I check price..... But I did not...
I was standing in line and I could not contain my excitement , so I grabbed one boot, looked under it.. And i laughed out loud.... I am not kidding. Price was only 49 dollars.... I expected to be at least 150 dollars.
These boots are the boots I would love to fall asleep in. wake up in, wear them till there is nothing left to wear. And if there is nothing left to wear, I would find a way to repair them.... I would never want them to leave me...
And in a way that is how my life has been as well... I try to fix whatever does not work....-- It takes time, it hurts, I don't take advice very easily- I like to have my own experiences..... But this pair of boots... just made me realize something important for me.... Take chances.... And please believe in your chances Diana.... Just Live and love and trust the process. DOn't try to rush it....
Yes, I know it is silly. But there is someone out there who would give anything for pair of boots... And one day, I would love to be the one on the streets to hand out boots to people who need them... NOT HIGH heals...lol.. But something that would keep their feet warm... SOmething that would give them strength to think outside of "skid row"....
I am one of those people who would wear piece of clothing till it was so worn out that even less privileged would refuse to accept it from me.. AND same is with shoes and boots.. I'd wear them till there is nothing left to wear....
And 2 days ago I bought pair of boots that just called my name... I refused them couple of times, before I tried them on. I did not even know their price, but they looked expensive.... Shiny, clean, simple, different.. Just the way I like my things. "ME"
And I finally tried them on, and I did not want to take them off. They felt sooo good on my feet . It was amazing. Even to that point I still did not know the price. And first thing I usually do when something fits right is I check price..... But I did not...
I was standing in line and I could not contain my excitement , so I grabbed one boot, looked under it.. And i laughed out loud.... I am not kidding. Price was only 49 dollars.... I expected to be at least 150 dollars.
These boots are the boots I would love to fall asleep in. wake up in, wear them till there is nothing left to wear. And if there is nothing left to wear, I would find a way to repair them.... I would never want them to leave me...
And in a way that is how my life has been as well... I try to fix whatever does not work....-- It takes time, it hurts, I don't take advice very easily- I like to have my own experiences..... But this pair of boots... just made me realize something important for me.... Take chances.... And please believe in your chances Diana.... Just Live and love and trust the process. DOn't try to rush it....
Yes, I know it is silly. But there is someone out there who would give anything for pair of boots... And one day, I would love to be the one on the streets to hand out boots to people who need them... NOT HIGH heals...lol.. But something that would keep their feet warm... SOmething that would give them strength to think outside of "skid row"....
Sunday, December 25, 2016
Live a little....
But who am I to tell you how to live?
Who am I to inspire your core?
Who am I to look up to me?
Please tell me.....
What do you need from me? WHat do you think I am lacking in life?
What do you think I should do?
Who Do you think I am to you?
Email me please..
dianatan78@gmail.com let me know who you are....
Who am I to inspire your core?
Who am I to look up to me?
Please tell me.....
What do you need from me? WHat do you think I am lacking in life?
What do you think I should do?
Who Do you think I am to you?
Email me please..
dianatan78@gmail.com let me know who you are....
Thursday, December 22, 2016
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas to my Friends all around the world... Haid pyhi teile koigile, kus iganes te ka poleks, ja kui te loete seda postitust hetkel, siis teadke, te olete olnud mul motetes .
I would write this blog even if I had no readers. It is just something for me, and I am so glad, so many of you turn to me - out of curiosity , or you just care for me.. .or you just randomly found a way to this blog that is all me.. No restrictions. No lies. ...Just me and my silly little honest world.
Not many of you know but, past couple of years I have been working of becoming better Christian. It has not been an easy road. Coming from Estonia where Paganism rules, and people believe in many Gods. I did too. Myself I do believe I am Goddess. I Have always believed so. From the moment I remember myself, I remember I was different in so many ways, and I was always misunderstood. And I Responded to it with tears. I cried my eyes out ... Till I found myself...
Fast forward to now. Do you know how powerful is to live the life that is yours? You don't have to answer to nobody. You open your apartment doors, and you walk into your world. Your peace. Your kindness. YOur power, your love, your everything.. But it is all temporary.
One day. I want someone to walk to my door and say.... ," This is where I belong.".
One day Everything will be the way God has panned life out for me. Till then I am just pinning it all together. With a smile on my face. And a pep in my step. And with Magic I so crave to give someone fully one day..
I Do have certain someone in mind. But it is all up to him.. Hopefully , there will be no evil "stepsisters" who going to just step in and push me aside... If That happens. I will rise from ashes, and beautiful thunderstorm will take place ... . And I just stand in the rain once again.....
Holidays... They make one emotional. They make one beautiful. They make one aware and strong... Why not be like that all year long... Be your best self ALL YEAR LONG... Be amazing not only for a month.. bot for a lifetime....
xxo
Love to you all. Don't forget to subscribe to my updates....
I would write this blog even if I had no readers. It is just something for me, and I am so glad, so many of you turn to me - out of curiosity , or you just care for me.. .or you just randomly found a way to this blog that is all me.. No restrictions. No lies. ...Just me and my silly little honest world.
Not many of you know but, past couple of years I have been working of becoming better Christian. It has not been an easy road. Coming from Estonia where Paganism rules, and people believe in many Gods. I did too. Myself I do believe I am Goddess. I Have always believed so. From the moment I remember myself, I remember I was different in so many ways, and I was always misunderstood. And I Responded to it with tears. I cried my eyes out ... Till I found myself...
Fast forward to now. Do you know how powerful is to live the life that is yours? You don't have to answer to nobody. You open your apartment doors, and you walk into your world. Your peace. Your kindness. YOur power, your love, your everything.. But it is all temporary.
One day. I want someone to walk to my door and say.... ," This is where I belong.".
One day Everything will be the way God has panned life out for me. Till then I am just pinning it all together. With a smile on my face. And a pep in my step. And with Magic I so crave to give someone fully one day..
I Do have certain someone in mind. But it is all up to him.. Hopefully , there will be no evil "stepsisters" who going to just step in and push me aside... If That happens. I will rise from ashes, and beautiful thunderstorm will take place ... . And I just stand in the rain once again.....
Holidays... They make one emotional. They make one beautiful. They make one aware and strong... Why not be like that all year long... Be your best self ALL YEAR LONG... Be amazing not only for a month.. bot for a lifetime....
xxo
Love to you all. Don't forget to subscribe to my updates....
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
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