OMG...

Seriously you all... I got serious case of 'Manflu"... It's not funny.  Usually I am pretty good handling colds, and illnesses,and whatever else life throws to my way, but this time I seriously at one point thought - " I AM GOING TO DIE!"     End of story...  What is happening to me.. Why I am becoming more mellow when years pass by?  I never needed anyones help to get me on my feet- I was more like -- I GOT THIS... BITCH... step on side... haha....

But yes, now,  it is my first time being seriously sick. Gabriel- my son was usually near me when I was sick, and he ran to my rescue  on weekends past year or so. :) And Because I spend tons of time at home now, eating, thinking , watching all sorts of movies and eating more- I have tons of time to think about everything.  And from here I want to briefly mention about my latest short term fling...

SO for a very long time I did not let anyone between my sheets...  I just was not ready.  I wrote before that I went out on dates, but all the dates left me little disappointed . Until  I actually had very simple date  at Venice beach.   I love venice beach myself because of there is always so much happening..  You never know what you gonna get when you get there. .

SO anyway--  We had great  date, kept communicating  for a while, then I got cold feet, and took a step back, but in a way I still felt that he was around.. and once in a while we chatted.....    After second time we met  We had few arguments over chats, because I decided- I am going to be bluntly honest and when one are honest, it will get you in all sorts of trouble.
AND , we agreed, that we are going to be friends...  BUT, for some weird reason, he liked that I was mean?  Even thought I kept telling him- dude, we will never work..  Because I saw what kind of attention and affection he needed in relationship.  And I am not that kind of GIVER..  like NO WAYZA...   TO much for me to handle...   But we ended having a great time, and conversation great and we actually got a long amazing, when it was on his terms... WHEN i tried to voice my opinion and views, it went little sideways... AND   at that point I just  gave up and had no intentions to listen what he had to say... I am sorry.
I am grown woman. Because you have issues from your past relationships,  does not mean, you have to   put me on the same pot with all the other females  who ever hurt you.  And for me to see, how easily it was for him to withdraw from  our little  adventure- made me realize once again-  oh for god sakes... DO NOT even try to wake any feelings in female, if you actually have no intentions yourself invest your feelings into it.

 I do not take anything personally these days, I just sit back and tell to myself... YOU KNEW IT FROM DAY ONE-- this is how it is going to end...  Because words in the end of the day mean nothing....  

In a way I am just little sad...  I did like the guy...  Not many people these days can make laugh, and he had great sarcastic dry sense of humor....

Oh well....   Such is life...  But one thing I told myself.. After I get over this cold- or whatever I have... I will be OUT...  Out and about...

 I can't wait to put on some make up, get my hair done, get out of Pj's and have some fun... It is long overdue...........