Wohooo.

It has been hell of a 22 days in California.. Friends, tears, laughter, confusion,  WTF moments , and plenty- let me just roll my eyes  moments...

Today I did something I have been scared to death to do...  Thanks to my friend, I signed up to do pilates..  I don't even know why I did it, but she was so convincing ( because she is fucking Gemini).. SO  I signed up, and showed up. ANd the moment I showed up, I almost excused myself and ran away.  In my mind I was like.. NO FUCKING WAY, I am going to use that table to get myself to get the best shape of my life...  THAT table looked worse than birthing table at hospital... or Tables at abortion clinics...    WHen you give birth you just push few times and its over,,,,, abortion clinic ,you get amazing drugs, lie at the table, stare at the ceiling, and then its over... ONLY work you have to do is deal with your emotions after that...  

I am sure my facial expression at the room was like- WTF  I ain't doing this... It looks like I am going to hurt myself and will never ever recover from it...  I was horrified... ANd then I saw all fucking fit  mellow bitches walking in with faces like_ WE LOVE IT, this is peace of cake... ..... And I was standing there like... SURE....   I got this too.. WATCH ME.. I GOT THIS...

AND then,  Boss lady, put on her microphone turned on music and everyone took positions like they were pros... ANd I was just faking it...

 BUT, this faking IT was not that easy... I actually had to put on some work...   Well, it is easy to fake an orgasm, if guy is horrible... Just flex some cervix muscles, make some uuhh, ooh sounds and  pretend like you are having a good time......     THIS PILATES WAS NOT ONE OF THOSE FAKE IT TILL MAKE IT....  NO WAYZA...

 I actually had to commit to it for 50 minutes...      Are you kidding me  50 fucking minutes of pain....   But the same time, all I heard in my ears was instructors soft voice.....  CORDS are not on control, you are on control, YOu are controlling your moves.... Take charge girls...  You got this.....

And she was fucking right... I got this...  At one point I thought I am going to pass out.... So I just stepped off the table, and took a breather... But then I heard that voice again-- AND I FOR SURE GOT THAT SHIT...

And when it was done...  I just stood there for a moment, and thought to myself...  What the fuck did I just do?  DID I really last for that long, and I finished it? ME , are you serious?   I almost split myself in half, almost threw up, almost cried- but I kept pushing and finished it... With little whoopsy doopsy dooos here and there.. but I did it... ANd In my mind I was doing the best happy dance I could do.

I still hated my friend because she said it would be fun.......  And now I know what she meant... Rest of my day was fun... I was energized( but in pain) , I was happy( but in pain), I was singing ( still in pain)... And most important thing... I can't wait to go back and have another 50 minutes of pure pleasure...  

I am in control......

Peace, love , happiness and light to you all....