Another day in paradise....

And I am slowly starting to adapt to this new life of mine. I still don't have my own place, and I am grateful of my friend Julee who I contacted 20 hours before I arrived to usa to tell her-- I NEED A PLACE.. CAN I CRASH YOURS.....  And she did allow me to do so.   I am crashing it, and I feel horrible about it.   She has the most amazing spirit about her, and the way she ( and her ex) has been helping our family is just mind blowing.   And now here I am, crashing her crib, trying to make sense of it all, because it all still feels like a dream to me.  But I am here.  What I am trying to say is. I don't know what I have done right in my life.   Because at times it feels , everything I have done has lead to disaster, but then I look at my friends  i get grounded....  Maire  and Steve and their children-  I don't know how they can be so welcoming and trusting  all the time.. They have seen me as complete mess and still accept me as I am...   Kadi-  chats we have  person to person or on cell....  I constantly laugh,  Xochitl - our friendship has suffered tons because we are  on different paths of life and I feel like she  does not get me that well anymore... I am different person than I was 7 years when I moved away....  But we are still lingering there, and I hope we can save our friendship ...  My new  friends B&K... Every time I visit their restaurant in Van nuys - I just laugh my butt off..  and messages I get from them are very up lifting.  My Estonian Family and friends...   I don't feel Estonian at all.  I stopped feeling Estonian long time ago, but there is still bond, and When I chat with my bestie over there  I wish I was closer to her, so we could just sit and chat and i could hear her wisdoms..

I think we all are strong-- but sometimes when we do  have our weak moments  and then  we need someone who is stronger  than us at that given  moment...   the one Who can tell us,- you got this, you are the QB, you  thrive, you are the platinum B...  we all need to hear it all the time...    SO I am more than grateful , I have my girls and guys  who keep me grounded . And That is more than enough.

 I almost forgot why I started writing today.. I just had so many thoughts in my head... TO many..  Unraveling all over the place...  Almost got lost in my own mind.... But my point is.. You attract what is meant for you... And I am so happy, that all I have attracted are calm peaceful strong minds... And if I did not have them,, I'd be lost...

 And  When time is right... Person who would be  my mirror would take charge and claim me.. That is the only thing that is missing in my life right now...  My equal .   Because, I am tired of making myself laugh all the time, every time....