I can fix me up....

"My life journey is what it is.
I have lived a life , but my life is not over. "These are the words I just told someone who questioned my well being.....

Past year I have been struggling to write, because  I have got lot of BS from people to my face and privately about what I should be, instead what I am ....  Seems like everybody knows more about me, than I do... ...

Don't get me wrong... I love a good advice.  I take it into consideration but apply to my life, when there is need for that . We all live a life that is given to us , and we all have different demons to fight. ...

 I have been actually struggling with lot of other things to.  But I am happy to say , One thing I am not struggling anymore is -- 'Me'.  Going from divorce to Single mom-- is hard...

Then.. Divorce- single mom- single.....  That is even harder....  But it is doable...  Nothing changes..

Now I am ex wife... But I am still mom... I always will be mom.. BUT I am not HANDS on mom...


 Which means -- I am back in beginning...  With scars only few can understand....


And I am slowly withdrawing myself from who do not see me...

It is hardest one of them all... But it has to be done as well :)

Live the life you feel is designed for you, not the life  people around you think is meant for you.....
Make your own mistakes, have your adventures, laugh about jokes that make you laugh, don't care what others say, date who you wanna date, take care of your kids the way it works for you....

LOVE YOU the way no one else can LOVE YOU !!!

Peace and Love to you all.....

Just let it be..

( This post is just weird ... ever for me ;))

I don't remember...

 I can't point a finger on what made me ME....
But I remember the day I accepted my faith in November TWO THOUSAND AND SEVEN.... Maybe that was it?

 I don't know?
 I was fresh out of "country side"...  Met someone fresh  out of divorce,/ Ph.d degree and "shit"...

19 year old me ..... of course it was exciting...But I had no idea , this is the life I would one day love to live... ....


 fast forward to now...


  I Remember every moment from 09/20/2009... till now... ANd before that... lets rewind it all to till 1997...  Yes.... it has been my life and my memories.. and flash backs... .

How could I forget...



I had 2 amazing kids, had interesting marriage  for about 14 years, . .. And to this date I have been a mom  for 18 years...

It has not been an easy ride... There are days, I wish I was not me..

There r days, I wish I did not exist.. There r days I wish I could ... . ... ....

There are days I wish I could show my emotions as raw as they are in me, and everyone would understand...

There are days people would not tell me they get it... ( because they don't)

There are days  I wish  people just leave me alone..

There are days people did not expect anything from me...

And with that all said... I wish my Friends would not turn away from me when I do not return their messages for days...