This post is up close and personal. It is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. It is about sex, or actually not having sex in my life at all. It is not something I crave or need , but it is eventually something I would want to have again.
It is 10th of October, 2016 and it is 21st century. People are open and honest about sex, or they try to be. So am i.
Last time I was sexually active with someone was in middle of May, in foreign country, . I was was in love and same time I loved the person who meant the world for me and it meant something... Last time I did have sex I did not enjoy it. It was just empty, and it was His need, not mine. He had lost passion, and I felt sad for us. It was not something I did, but it was something, he thought I would be, and I knew in my mind, I will not be that size 6, fake boobs, hourglass figure never for him..... He had an idea how would I look one day, and that is what was so wrong.... I knew our end was near... I felt it in every cell in my body, and my mind was present, But I kept quiet....
When it comes to my thinking and mind , I am little different. At 38 years old, I should have most amazing sexual life ever and not care... I should be out getting numbers, flirting... But I don't. Right now, I am having the best relationship with myself, and I am not going to give myself to someone who tells me they find me attractive, or sexy, or hot, or amazing ... and they say those things only for their advantage- in hopes I am going to fall for it..... It is not that easy.
I have been talking to people. I have been out on dates. And I have been thinking about starting my sexual journeys again, but so far no one amazing enough has come to my way. And it is ok.
Sex complicates things. And guys these days ( or actually over the decades are great making it complicated... THeY WOULD SAY ANYTHING... a n y t h i n g.... to get into your pants..... And I really mean anything... All inspirational and self help websites educate the one what to say, how to behave, how to get a woman... and I have read tons of those that are meant for men... All I do is, take few deep breaths in, let little less out, and read it again, to see if I got it right... It is ridiculous. Social media, free websites, "inspirational" quotes, etc, make it very easy for everyone to have an access to information and miss use it towards male/female... So in the end of the day, I have very hard time processing what is real what is not.... So we females or guys, have to come up with more creative ways asking questions, to see if the person if interest is here for right reasons.
While I am typing this, my mind is already fried, and I want to sleep and not thi nk about dating ...And it all will lead to same thing..--- , " HEY GURRRLLLL, send me naked pic of you......... or a portion of your nakedness....
all I got a say at this point is... I like old school.... Picnic with cheese and chard or pinot or both , walk at the beach, art gallery, amazing night views, sunsets, star gazing, movie nights, ( preferably horror movies, so I can grab your leg with my 10 fingers.... ) recording studio , so we can make our first fucked up song - so what we can't sing...... Goint to bridal shops and dressing up as groom and bride just for fun- but choosing the worst outfits at that store.., dance lessons, or just simple gas station hot dogs with no nutritional value ... and more flowers............. flowers...yellow tulips, roses, daffodils, and finally--- one that would win a heart of mine--- SAUNA ...
I have to get me my own sauna.... and lake.....
Anyways, I just got carried away.... best dates in my mind are the ones when 2 people come together, and nothing else matters. :)
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