End of the year....

WHoah... It has been a while since I last blogged. Time has passed by way to fast.  Really, fast.  Those moments I have free time, I have no desire to blog ...
I'm back at work at nights.. Yes, I am working at Fannys Irish pub again 4 nights a week. And those nights I am not working, I am ether sleeping, eating, or having sex ;) haha  Yup.. nothing else to do in here .

On 22nd of December I quit smoking and on 24th I stopped drinking.  So, here I am. WOrking at IRISH pub, where people drink till they drop, and here I am totally sober, and not smoking.  Actually I kind of like it.  I see people in totally different light. Because when you are drunk with them, you don't pay much attention what is happening.. But when I look at them through sober eyes, it just makes me shake my head and go.. Oh, that was me at one point :D

I don't think I will stay alcohol free for a very long time, but cig free definitely. I really hated how it had become a habit. At first I loved smoking. 4-5 cigs per day was ok... But when it almost become a pack, Iwas like.. NO NO NO.. Something has to be done about it. But I was not strong enough...  Push came from where I least expected, but that is whole another story.. I will tell you about it when I am ready.

I mentioned before that this year I did not take a trip to Estonia or USA. I stayed to Hangzhou. So far i am not regretting that decision. I love how quiet and drama free everything here is. Sure, I miss white Christmas. But what Is christmas anyway. When I was kid, yeah, it was all about gifts and presents.. The older I got  less material it got for me.  I did not have any gifts under CHristmas tree this year. I got a nice gift from my Ex husband.. iPhone6, and couple very cute gifts from close friends. And I  gave my workers at Fannys 100 RMB cash tip on Christmas night, because they did work hard, and I appreciate them doing what they are doing :) I loved seeing smiles in their faces when I handed them cash. It was something very little I did, but It felt good :) They don't get paid much at Fannys and I bet every  rmb matters..

Anyway..  I  know how important right people around us are.  I try to keep those I care about close to me, and those who really don't fit into my life as far as possible... There is no need for pointless drama in my life or anybodies life for that matter. Just enjoy your life to the fullest, and if you can't do that, then you better make some changes... YOLO.....

 Wishing you all wonderful ending of 2014 and magical beginning of 2015.. May all your dreams come true...

Just something I did...

Sometimes I think I am not normal .  I'd like to try everything at least for once. Maybe there are some things I rather not even touch, but oh fuck it. Why not.. YOLO...

2 weeks ago my friend asked me if I want to join weight loss massage.  I was like. Alright, whatever that means.. haha.. Let's do it..  You guys have no idea what I got myself into.

 I wanted my middle section and belly little more sculpted and asked them to emphasize on that area.  I purchased 12 sessions for 750 RMB.

First I had to strip naked.  And lye on my left or right side. And oh wow... Those tiny hands started working hard.  So hard I was in tears... First she was just massaging my side, really hard massage. Then she took out comb like looking brush and started brushing my side, then she started beating my side ,and finally scrubbing with some plastic rectangular thingy... Then everything was repeated on my other side.
Then I had to lye on my back, and she started working on my belly... Oh, that was painful as hell.. She was pressuring certain points in my belly that just wanted me to make scream out loud.. But I kept it under control... SO that all lasted about 45 minutes.. It was pure pain mixed with pleasure.. I actually enjoy that kind of pain...

So , all that was done, she started cupping my belly.. She added about 20 cups to my belly and sides are and then it was time for me to rest for 15 minutes... It was first time for me with cupping, and it was painful...   I tried to think about something pleasurable while lying there and it did help a lot... But just imagine 12 days of beating, painful massage and cupping... afterwhile my body got used to it, but it was not what I expected at all...

I lost total  4 kilos and got my waste line back... Photos next time...

Will not repeat that anytime soon... Will take a break from that and go back to working out like a maniac...

WooSShh

SO.. It is November. Really pissed at November actually.. Thanksgiving is coming up, and it will be just me and Gabriel this year. My ex will be in Usa with his finance  since she is about to give birth... Congrats to them... Still little bitter about it, but for all the wrong reasons... But I will promise I will figure me out one day, why can't I forgive so easily.. Why my ego is so bruised...

And after that will be Christmas. This year, I will not travel to anywhere..  No Estonia, No Usa. No nothing... I just want to be home by myself. I asked my ex to take Gabriel and spend some time traveling together.  For 15 years I was the one who travelled with Gabriel to Everywhere.  Now it is his turn.  I don't care how he finds time, but he better do. If you wanted to have kids, then better be ready to do some fun stuff with them as well besides tutoring their asses off.  He is hands on Dad with Gabe and I am really happy how things are when it comes to their relationship. :)

SO here I am..  In China. In Hangzhou..  I'm not bored. I find ways to entertain myself and I am not complaining.   I am surrounded by people I have chosen to be in my life, and they have accepted me the way I am these days.   But I am craving for some stability in my life.  I want to be the one who makes all the calls in my life. I want' to be independent, but I have not established that yet...  One step at a time.

Dream big people say.... And I am dreaming big.... ;)

New Adventure...

Sometimes interesting things happen. I had no plans to go out on 11-11.. Which is labeled day for singles... WOhoo... go singles.....

I was actually pretty tired, and was thinking about going to bed, but then it hit me.. Number combination 11-11 is everywhere I look. I always wake up 1.11 am and check my time 11.11  I don't remember how long this has been going on, but I guess for a while...
SO, I quickly applied some make up on my face, and then out of the door. One of the bars I visit once in a while hosted Singles party. Salsa dancing, speed dating.. etc.. I skipped all those and headed out 11.11  haha.. SO I got there and was right away introduced to one illusionist. I heard his shows are amazingNever been any of them myself, but people say he can blow your mind away with his magic... Ok.. I thought... Cool... So after a minute or 2 I was right away asked if I want to be part of the recording they are doing for his show... It is a promo video, that  has tons of foreigners expressing emotion in their face, with hands, eyes. etc.. I was needed for couple of shoots. Show anger, sadness, happy,  and express quilt. And then they shoot my eyes for few takes.  I aint no supermodel, but if I fit the profile what they need, then why not... And in the end I got paid as well..Not much, but enough...
It was great experience and in the end of the day I hope I make the cut ;)

Singles Day in China

11/11 Oh and the day to point out singles is here. It is crazy day here. Biggest online store Taobao has  50% off sales, there are single parties everywhere, and to be honest I have no idea how I feel about it.
Myself, I am not single, but I am not in a relationship ether. I am just happy the way things are right now with someone I have had on again off again complicated relationship.  I know I am not the only one in his life, but I am to lazy to go out there to start looking for something more stable also.  And Since I might be moving out of China soon,  there is no point for me to start something new... Important thing is, he makes me happy when we are together, and I would not want it any other way.  We just have this special connection happening, and when we are together we always manage to have best time ever.  He is amazing in so many ways, but I have accepted the fact, that this will not last forever. Sometimes I ask myself, why Him, why not tens of other guys I have met on my path while here in China?  I have had so many chances to make things work here with others, and actually have that stable life. But pretty much from the first day I met him, I felt this weird connection to him that I have not felt for anybody else. At a time I was working at a bar and  flirted with everybody. I never thought I would be regular hanging out with him. First of all- he was one of those guys I  have made mental note never ,ever , ever date... because he had all those NO  this, NO  that , NO third thing, NO fourth thing...on my list of what I don't want in a guy. But few months passed, and I let things happen. I am glad I did.  If it was not complicated , he has about 80% of the things I am looking in a man...  Before I concentrated on what I don't look in a man, but when we started hanging out, I found out, he actually has more what I was looking for. He is  handsome, caring, fun, knows what woman wants, and most importantly, he is patient. When I  met him, I was in a very bad place in my life, and he has seen the worst of me.  But he is still kept hanging around. And I am thankful for that.  We have had horrible ups and downs, but finally everything has calmed down, and there is light in the end of the tunnel. One day at a time...
SO there you go.. Happy singles day to every single person In China. Enjoy your time alone.  You don't need a men to make you happy. Happiness comes, when you are ready to accept you as you are and who you are , and let go all the negativity and things that way you down.  Nobody else can bring you happiness but you..:) I mean genuine happiness.. We can always pretend to be happy, but then we attract wrong kind of people into our life... I don't need that... It took me a while to find my happy place, and I am so happy I made it....

I don't care .. are you single or not, most important is, have a good relationship with yourself first..... xo.

Fun never ends.

Let me start with the latest fun experience  I had.  I think from this moment on I will give up telling people I am American. IT is just easier to tell them that. If I say I am Estonian, gazillion questions follow, and I am not in the mood to explain all the details why, how, when, no It is Russia, it is not Estonia...

Anyway, so last night was Halloween. I did not dress up this year . Just wore my sexy mini dress and headed out. First I stopped at local cafe called Yuan cafe. I love the owner Rebecca, very sweet and caring person. I have never had problems there . It is safe and warm place to go to have coffee or meal . Food is western and I always meet people I know there.

This time something different happened. As I went out for a smoke, I could see from far away few drunk Chinese approaching. I did not do anything. I just stood there and smoked my cigarette.  I know now better, to stay away from Drunk chinese. They are horrible. SO they kept coming closer, and closer, and closer. Suddenly one guy just looked at me and asked , "Where are you from?" I said, I am from USA. I am American.  And then hell broke loose. He poked my shoulder with her finger same time shouting, Obama stupid, Obama Not good, Obama disgrace to world... All that in Chinese. He said more  ugly things, but I just stood there . At one point I tried to distinguish fire and told him. Yes, that is why I am in China... America not for me.. HE calmed down. And offered me cigarette.. And then it started again..  Why are you beautiful woman from america.. I tried to explain, that I was born in Estonia.. But he would not listen. All he could hear was AMERICA... Long story short... After 25 minutes of kind of "harassing" me with his Anti America speech security showed up. What drove me insane inside was the fact that his friends were just standing there and watching. At one point, when one friend tried to  take him away, he started yelling at his friend, and then friends took a step back.  I was actually getting little scared and annoyed and angry same tie, but I kept it together. I did not need more drama in my life. So security came and  escorted out of cafe. He stood behind cafe window for few more minutes, talking loud about something and then left...

I took a deep breath in and said to myself.. IT's fine. Everything is ok... WHEWW...

After that incident, few of my friends showed up, and we headed to next spot to celebrate Halloween.  Mood was amazing, and people actually put extra effort into their costumes. It was such a colorful night with all the right people around me.  Drinking, food, then some dancing....

My night ended up early to be honest.   Lately I am back to my Going to places alone mode. If I get tired on one place, I take a cab and go to next spot. So I did same this time.   Left my neighborhood bar and headed to Coco club , that is about 3 km away from us. They just recently opened up with major changes. New owners, and place actually has great music . Not sure what was happening, but this  time around party promotes bought over whole buss full of dudes From all around Africa.. Not african americans, but Africans.. In hangzhou, Black community is growing quit fast. It is interesting to see, how much things have change  since I moved here 4 years ago.  It is getting more and more international.
SO anyway, one of my friends also showed up, and we ended drinking and just flirting at the bar. He is not much into dancing..  So, with his permission I just  asked first available dude who looked like he could dance on to a dance floor..  As it came out he was Also from Nigeria, just like my friend who I have known now for over a year..   As I was going on to a dance floor, I missed a step, and sprained my ankle really badly, but since I had couple of drinks in me, I did not care much for the pain.  I kept dancing till He started getting little to excited-- If  You know what I mean.... I left the dance floor  and back to the bar where my friend was waiting for me.

We chatted and flirted whole lot more... Oh yeah, i love to flirt.. It is a part of  me... Very flirty when I feel like it, and if I see what I like... It was time for him to leave and he left. I stayed for few more minutes longer and headed back to the bar where I started my night..    Since my foot was starting to hurt a little, I decided to cut my night short..   As I was heading home, I heard a familiar voice .. Yup, my friend was also heading for the same bar.. But I was getting little tired, and decided to leave home anyways...

To make things really bad... As I was walking home, I stumbled  and sprained my ankle second time... Oh fuck, this time pain hit me really hard..  I did not wanna go to a doctor in the middle of the night. So I went home.. Took a long shower..... while I was in the middle of my tooth brushing I heard a knock on my door... ... I was like WTF... Trick or treating is over.... No more candy to hand out...   But I was in for a treat... My  friend showed up, and  rest of it history..  After he left in the morning I called my ex husband and asked him to help me out with doctor. He was nice enough to drive me to hospital, help get ex rays and deal with paperwork...

Luckily  my feet is not broken, just really badly strained. Walking on crutches, hoping for a quick recovery.

New beginnings, new blogs, everything new....

I decided to start blogging again. It has been a while, since I wrote something down to my blog... Lately, I have been trying to write everything down on my pages diary. I am woking on a book. Sadly I lost inspiration writing, and feel stuck... I need to get my inspiration back. 

Don't get me wrong, there is tons of inspiration here, but I just feel little lost in this huge country..  I am truly having tons of fun with my life right now, and doing lot of soul searching same time, but there is always this but.. Something is missing in my life. Something that I am looking for or I'm afraid to look for is not here yet. Or maybe it is. I don't know.   All I know is , I am not content with my life. Where do I find this amazing inner peace? Yeah, I know it is hidden somewhere within me, why can't I reach that deep and pull it out? I am restless. Which direction should I look and meet it somewhere in the middle.... Until it comes to me, I will have all the fun I can ... And I am going to share some stories with you when I feel like it would be something you are interested.....