WHAT?
Already ending? I need one more month to make it right .. JUST ONE MORE MONTH OF 2017....
I am not going to write about 2017... There is nothing to write about it.. It was my year of adjusting back to culture in USA... It was dramatic at times.. But after you have lived in Asia for a long time, you would understand what I mean... ALl of you who would say, WHY? Seriously? Stop trippin.... etc... I have one thing to say... Move out of your comfort zone for 6 something years, and we will talk then... So... If you really wish to know more about what I mean by " adjusting" ... Ask me...
I also managed somehow to forgive myself this year.... It was one of the hardest things I have ever done....... Forgiving myself was something I had wanting to do for a very long time.... In fact- Since year... 2000 .But I just kept putting it on back burner..If you do not address it it does not exist... And I did not have solid proof for years, because, there were no smart phones and no screenshots.. and no saved chats....
We "broke up" couple of times during our marriage.
Meaning, we spoke about divorce, because I just could not take his cheating anymore..
We lived under the same roof , but living separate lives.... And then coming together again as couple and then breaking up again..... So fucking unhealthy... But that time it did not seem like that.....
if I spoke about it to my friends, they would tell me to get out of marriage, leave him, I can do it on my own , I can find a new man, I am better without him. etc.. AND YES, they would have been right. But for some reason, I could not do it, and open up about it.
So I stayed. For kids.... For me.... For him...... Even knowing I was not the only one...
I stayed and forgave pretty much for whole 15 years we stayed married....
So this year.. I forgave myself for allowing this kind of relationship to last for that long.
Because when I demanded LOVE, RESPECT and HONESTY from him- I got deceit, disrespect and lies, and much more..... And I forgave him for years and years and years and years
I could talk about it for hours.... There is so much you all do now know...
All I can say now is... There was a reason he was sent to my way.. mhm....
Because now, I do not give a guy even 15 MINUTES after I find out he lies to me... I kind of like it:) Life lessons are great...
SO I managed to forgave but I will never foget
